Reviews by Honest Q. Ape

You know that feeling? When you're sitting on the couch, hoping a book would come out that's a sequel to a book with metal-consuming heroes and giant men with spikes where their eyes should be? Well, if you ever get that feeling again, this is just the book for you, because it IS such a sequel.

Holy shit, what's not to like about this book? You want a magic system based on consuming and burning metals? It's in here. You want an immortal God-King who rules with an iron fist? It's in here. You want chicks shooting people full of lead or copper, even? It's in here too!

I know what you're thinking. "Well, if all that's in there, I might as well give up hoping for killers with railroad spikes where their eyes should be. No book is that awesome."

But that's where you're wrong! This book IS that awesome. So read it.

Once upon a time, in this place called Elantris, there was this thing called the Shaod. People argued for years if it was pronounced Shaowd, Showed or Sha-Odd. Regardless, this was not the interesting thing about the Shaod. It was like a disease, but instead of making you get weird bumps on your privates, it made you a super-wizard. You could kill buffalo with mind-bullets, paint a house with mind-brushes...pretty much anything with mind-anythings. So some day, for no reason (psst, there's a reason, but I can't tell you what it is), the Shaod stopped making people super-wizards and instead made them crap-zombies. They couldn't die, but they were covered in shit and ugly as fuck. So the people put anyone who got the Shaod in Elantris. This is the story of a prince who became a crap-zombie and his adventures in crap-town. One of my favorite books that's not about talking dogs.

This is likely the best Parker novel of them all. In the aftermath of the first two novels in the series, Parker decides to take it to the "Outfit" once and for all, paying them back for everything they've done to him. And no one can dish out revenge like Parker can. Like Samuel Jackson in "Pulp Fiction," Parker is a Bad-Ass Motherfucker. Unlike Samuel Jackson in "Deep Blue," Parker does not get eaten by a shark. I'd like to see a shark try to take on Parker. Parker would kick that fish's ass into orbit. If fish have asses. Well, his tail then.

What was I talking about? Oh, right. The book. Get it. Read it. The sooner, the better.

This book kicks more ass than Chuck Norris has ever kicked. The follow up to the first Parker novel, "The Hunter," this book has Parker changing his appearance to more easily avoid the fallout from his actions against the "Outfit" in the last book. Changing his appearance brings with it a series of events that only a man like Parker could handle. And handle them he does.

A must-read for all the Parker fans out there. If you're not a fan of the Parker novels, there is something seriously wrong with you. I'd see a doctor if I were you, just to check for brain damage.

Of all the Parker novels in which he plots to steal $400,000 off of a river boat named "The Spirit of the Hudson," this one is the best. Chock-full of the usual twists and turns Parker fans love, Backflash shows that Stark hasn't lost a bit of his magic over the years.

This book's crime is one of the more involved and interesting of the series and it's well worth the price of admission. It takes my love of riverboat heists and casino heists and melds it into one magical Reese's Peanut-Butter Cup of crime. Maybe I'm the only one with that particular love, but what are you going to do?

Okay, I'll say what we're all thinking; What a shitty book title. Plunder Squad? What the hell was Stark drinking when he came up with that??

I don't know what he was drinking when he came up with the title, but I know what he was drinking when he wrote the book - Awesome Juice. Because this book defies its stupid name.

In this outing, Parker's in need of a score and has few good options. So he goes with a less than ideal art heist. As usual, things don't go smoothly. But he doesn't care. He just goes around being his usual bad-ass self and things more or less work themselves out.

Most writers start to lose some steam as they get older. I mean look at Stephen King. Has he put out a really good book in the last decade? And what about my Uncle Jim? Have you read his letters lately? That guy's straight-up senile.

Regardless, Richard Stark (a.k.a. Donald Westlake) does the opposite of those cats. He gets better with age. Not in most ways. I mean, he is a shriveled-up old dude. But when it comes to writing, he gets better with time.

Case in point, this book. The first Parker book he wrote since Butcher's Moon, Comeback is separated from its predecessor by 24 years. But you wouldn't know it. Well, you'd know it if you read the book jacket, because they say that shit right there. But you wouldn't know it from reading the book. Stark simply couldn't have written a better return for Parker.

In this outing, Parker goes gunning for the ill-gotten gains of a slick televangelist. But does it really matter? I mean, c'mon... You're not reading the book because the premise sounds good. You're reading it because you know it's going to kick ass regardless of what the plot is. So read it already.

Parker books are always good, but this one is good squared. It starts off bad-ass, then gets more bad-ass. And just when you think it can't get more bad-ass, well, it doesn't. Because the book has to end some time, right?

What do I mean by bad-ass? How's this? Parker kills someone on page two! I figure, if it happens on page two, it's not a spoiler. Not like me telling you about the guy who dies on page 395. That was a spoiler. Because there is no page 395. Think about that one, wise-guy. Go read this book before I slap you around.

The title for this book is just about as accurate as it gets. Well, I guess it could be called "Parker breaks out of shit". That might be a tad bit more accurate. Even more accurate would be the title "In which Parker breaks out of a jail, a warehouse and various other things". But that would be too long. And I digress.

As usual, Parker kicks ass and takes names. Okay, he doesn't really take names. And there's not much ass-kicking. But he IS his usual bad-ass self. And that's all you need to know about this book. One of the better Parker novels.